A Crappy Morning- no really.

Eh hem, I am not a morning person. I have recently realized that I do not like to wake up...I am very sensitive to sounds when I'm woken up and the fact that I'm semi-sick right now and in the morning I can hardly talk without gagging on my own mucus curdled-snot coated throat does not make this "waking up" time any easier on me.

Since in a few months Eva will be an official elementary-schooler I will thus have to wake up and get her to school on time.

So I thought to myself, Self what can you do to make this easier? I know Self, wake up before everyone else so you have time to adjust so you aren't a beast and so you don't threaten bodily harm to your sweet children that are just being their age. But then I said, Seeellllfff, you seem to forget that with stupid day light savings your sweet little daughters are getting up at the most ridiculous time of morning and there's no way in you-know-what that you are getting up before that. SOLUTION: make some curtains that are so thick it will looks like you are in a cave, a deep dark cave that you can never leave. I will be going to a fabric store today...please oh please let this work...

Back to my "crappy" morning. So this morning begins like any other, the girls are wide awake at 7:40am (I'm sorry if this offends anyone who thinks that this isn't early...I don't care, my darling daughters have been sleeping till 8:30am sometimes 9am...7:40am feels like 3am to me), this is when Eva comes running into my room to inform me that "Elle pooped!" In our house this means I have a limited amount of time to change said diaper until Elle decides to explore it further by digging into it and feeling it's lovely warm texture which then equals me having to clean everything she has possibly touched and her and draw her a bath...it makes for a long hour instead of a 6 minute diaper change.

SO- I almost jump out of bed...(as best I could) and Elle comes running in, note: I can't really see...I may have to pee and the reason I can't see is because the sun is barely out and it IS STILL DARK. I promptly grab Elle's hands to see if I'm too late...odd, they don't appear to have poo on them but they stink like poo...so I'm already mad that I missed my window of opportunity...if I had only known what was waiting for me...I would have probably just gone back to bed.

I grab a hair tie for myself and quickly bring Elle to her changing pad...oh the horror.

Not only is it a nasty all night pee diaper for some unknown reason this "poo" has not made it in the diaper...perhaps Elle was sleeping weird, or maybe she was trying a new way to poo, but this poo was all over the outside of her diaper...all the way down her left leg and in her toes. WHAT?! Like...what really happened? The entire bottom half of her pj's is soaked in urine...What did this kid drink last night? A two liter? What did she eat? A vat of grease?

As I was cleaning her up to bring her to the bath I thought to myself, Self laundry is going to suck today...then I thought, seelllfff doesn't she have enough pj's? Does this one set really make or brake the bank...the answer no, no it does not. I neatly folded the diaper and jammies together and threw them away..in their own separate bag...I can still smell it.

Life Lesson#632: When life hands you diarrhea soaked with urine and a touch of insanity...save yourself the trouble and throw it in the garbage.

Don't worry I totally took pictures...you are soooo welcome.